Daily Archives: July 10, 2018

Letter to Savannah 7/9/18

My Dearest Savannah,

I’m sorry we had so little time together this weekend. I’m sorry I was gone for so long. I never wanted to have to be separated from you – it was never your Daddy’s decision to not see you for the last six months. I never wanted to be away from you, ever. Seeing you this weekend made me the happiest I have been since the last time we were together. It broke my heart when I got there to pick you up and you acted like you didn’t remember me at first. It broke even worse when I had to take you back to the babysitter’s, and you didn’t want me to leave. I didn’t want to leave you there either. Daddy was there for you every day since you were inside Mommy’s tummy, until you were three and a half. I want you to know I would never leave you, and will always love my special little girl. You are the one thing that gives my life purpose, and you make me happier than I could ever describe. I wish we could be together every day. Your daddy worked very hard to give us a house, and you were the happiest there than I’ve ever seen you. You used to run up to me every day when I got home from work and take my finger, and then lead me to wherever you wanted to play. It made me feel warm and wanted, and loved. It made me cry when your mommy left, and made us lose that house. I will work hard to get us one where you can feel safe and have your own room again.
Your daddy thinks about you all the time when we are apart, and I feel so very lonely without you and mommy in my life. You and mommy were the best things in your Daddy’s life, and I treasured ever minute I got to spend with you both. As of now I can only see you for two weekends a month, so I will try my best to make our time together special. I look at pictures that I took of you every single day, and I miss you all the time. I love the sound of your voice, and all your expressions you make. I love to watch you play and swim and laugh, and love your hugs and the way you cuddle with me. Being with you is more important to your Daddy than anything, and it makes me happier than anything else ever could. I would do anything for you, and hope you grow up knowing that your Daddy loves you.
You always amaze me – you are so smart, even at four. I know it is sometimes hard to say what you need or want, and that makes your Daddy sad, but I know it’s because your mind moves so fast. I would get frustrated too, and I still do at times. I guess you are like your Daddy when it comes to that.
You went to sleep cuddling me on our last night together. You put your arm around me and stroked my hair. You said “don’t worry Daddy, it will be alright. It will be okay.” I tried to remember every little part of that moment, and it made me cry, both from sadness, and from the honesty of your feelings. I hope with all my might that one day, things will indeed be alright, and you and I can spend more time together. I miss you every minute of every day we are apart, and count the hours until I can see you again. You are my angel, my little dove, and I will always love you with all my heart.
I am sorry you cried when it was time for me to go. I never wanted to have to go away. All I’ve ever wanted is to make you and your Mommy happy, and I’ve tried very hard to do that since your Mommy and I met. I will do my best to make you happy for as long as I possibly can.
You are my Sun and my Moon, little one, and I will treasure every moment we have for as long as I live.
I hope you are happy today.
I miss you so much.