Letter to Savannah 7/14

My Little Savannah,

It is a beautiful Saturday, and I wish I was playing with you right now. I’m sorry I had to work so much. The only job I could find where I could make enough money meant I have to work six days a week. It was worth it to be able to come home to you and your Mommy every day. Even though your Mommy would not be home on Saturdays, I loved being with you, even though I missed being with your Mommy too on those days. I had to work a great deal, and I looked forward to all the time I could get with you both. I loved being able to be with you every moment I wasn’t working, because you always make me happy. You were always a happy little girl, and I can tell that you want everyone around you to be happy too.
I wish I could take you to the beach today. I had a special spot that I liked to go to, and when your Mommy and I first met, it was the first place I took her. I took you there too, several times, and I have pictures of how happy it made you to be able to run along the beach and play. I loved being with you too in that place; it filled me with a feeling of peace and love that I cannot describe. The last time you went, you got so excited as soon as you heard the waves. Being on the beach has been one of your favorite things to do since you were born – you love the water, and you really loved being in that place with your Mommy and I. I wish we could all go there again together. I’m sorry that we can’t, little girl. I wish more than anything I could be with you both today, that we could be happy together.
It will not be until next weekend that I will get to see you, and I will take us to the beach for the day if I possibly can. Things are hard for your Daddy right now, and have been since your Mommy decided to leave with you, but I will do my best to make all your time with me special. I get to see you so little now, and it breaks your Daddy’s heart, because being with you, playing with you after work or taking you places on the weekends, were the best moments of my life.
I hope you get to do something fun today, and that your Mommy plays with you. I miss you every moment of every day.

Love,

Daddy

Letter 7/12/18

My Little Savannah,
I hope you are happy today.
I am writing this, like all the letters you’ll hopefully read one day, to let you know how I’m thinking of you. I was reminiscing today about those precious four months that we lived together in Virginia Beach. You would run up to me every day when I got home, and want me to play. It was the highlight of my day, and I always looked forward to getting home so I could be with you. I loved how you made up stories for all your little figures and stuffed animals. There were times where I had worked hard, and needed dinner first, but watching you play, and taking part in your games and make-believe, has always been a highlight of my day. You would use your stuffed animals and dolls to spell the letters of your name, hung above your bed, every night before you went to sleep. It melted my heart every time. I looked forward to going on trips with you every weekend, and loved to take pictures of your Mommy playing with you.
Whether playing at home, or going somewhere special, I love every minute I get to spend with you. You have a happiness that is contagious. You live in the moment, and have been happy whether you were playing in your room, or going to the beach. You don’t care if money is being spent – you just like being with the people you love, and I adore that about you. You have a bright, shining spirit, and I hope I can help keep that light alive for as long as possible. I have no doubt that you have the potential to be anything that you want to be in the future.
I miss playing with you in our old house. I enjoyed playing there as much as you did, whether it was playing quietly, or running through the house, it was the most fun I had in years. We always had fun there. You liked that house when we visited there the first time, and when you found out it was your home, you ran to your room and said “My room, Daddy?” You were incredibly happy in that home, and so sorry that I had to give it up.
You have always been special to me. From the time you were still in your Mommy, you have given my life a higher purpose, a greater meaning. You and your Mommy gave me the motivation to work harder, challenged me to be a better father and human being. It is harder now that Mommy and I are apart, but I will always do my very best to take care of you, and be the best Daddy I can be.
I miss you.
Love,
Daddy

Letter to Savannah 7/9/18

My Dearest Savannah,

I’m sorry we had so little time together this weekend. I’m sorry I was gone for so long. I never wanted to have to be separated from you – it was never your Daddy’s decision to not see you for the last six months. I never wanted to be away from you, ever. Seeing you this weekend made me the happiest I have been since the last time we were together. It broke my heart when I got there to pick you up and you acted like you didn’t remember me at first. It broke even worse when I had to take you back to the babysitter’s, and you didn’t want me to leave. I didn’t want to leave you there either. Daddy was there for you every day since you were inside Mommy’s tummy, until you were three and a half. I want you to know I would never leave you, and will always love my special little girl. You are the one thing that gives my life purpose, and you make me happier than I could ever describe. I wish we could be together every day. Your daddy worked very hard to give us a house, and you were the happiest there than I’ve ever seen you. You used to run up to me every day when I got home from work and take my finger, and then lead me to wherever you wanted to play. It made me feel warm and wanted, and loved. It made me cry when your mommy left, and made us lose that house. I will work hard to get us one where you can feel safe and have your own room again.
Your daddy thinks about you all the time when we are apart, and I feel so very lonely without you and mommy in my life. You and mommy were the best things in your Daddy’s life, and I treasured ever minute I got to spend with you both. As of now I can only see you for two weekends a month, so I will try my best to make our time together special. I look at pictures that I took of you every single day, and I miss you all the time. I love the sound of your voice, and all your expressions you make. I love to watch you play and swim and laugh, and love your hugs and the way you cuddle with me. Being with you is more important to your Daddy than anything, and it makes me happier than anything else ever could. I would do anything for you, and hope you grow up knowing that your Daddy loves you.
You always amaze me – you are so smart, even at four. I know it is sometimes hard to say what you need or want, and that makes your Daddy sad, but I know it’s because your mind moves so fast. I would get frustrated too, and I still do at times. I guess you are like your Daddy when it comes to that.
You went to sleep cuddling me on our last night together. You put your arm around me and stroked my hair. You said “don’t worry Daddy, it will be alright. It will be okay.” I tried to remember every little part of that moment, and it made me cry, both from sadness, and from the honesty of your feelings. I hope with all my might that one day, things will indeed be alright, and you and I can spend more time together. I miss you every minute of every day we are apart, and count the hours until I can see you again. You are my angel, my little dove, and I will always love you with all my heart.
I am sorry you cried when it was time for me to go. I never wanted to have to go away. All I’ve ever wanted is to make you and your Mommy happy, and I’ve tried very hard to do that since your Mommy and I met. I will do my best to make you happy for as long as I possibly can.
You are my Sun and my Moon, little one, and I will treasure every moment we have for as long as I live.
I hope you are happy today.
I miss you so much.

Love,

Daddy

New Series Coming

Those that follow my blog know that I use this forum to write about many things, from writing to open letters, to other expressions of an artistic nature. In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I will also be using my blog to address important issues I feel should be brought forth to a wider audience. While my blog is not large in the sense of a following, I feel if I can help even one person, then it will be worth it.

Those that know me, know that I have been the victim of ongoing emotional abuse for over six years. I’ve had both my heart and my life ripped apart by someone I trusted, and am only now realizing the full extent of what I feel (and would be confirmed by any qualified professional) is a mental illness is having upon my world. Thus, in the hope of preventing this sort of pain befalling other innocent people, I will be also be posting a new series of articles to help address this issue, with the hope that somewhere, it will be seen and be of help.

22 Stages of Relationship Between An Empath and A Narcissist

(from urhealthexperts.com)

1 The empath gets attracted to a narcissist. Their relationship starts. Empath loves deeply and unconditionally. They feel emotionally fulfilled even though the narcissist plays no role to develop a stronger bond. The empath feels satisfied and thinks their love is reciprocated just by being around the narcissist.

2 The empath gets the false notion that they have finally met the kind of love that people don’t find even once. Narcissist affirms this by creating an illusion that leads the empath to believe that what they have is special. The empath feels a deep bond that is almost impossible to break free.

3 Sometimes it appears that the narcissist wants this relationship as much as the empath. Actually, what they want is someone who invests their time, energy and love and is in their complete control.

4 As the time will pass, the narcissist will make the empath feel weak, unconfident, and bereft of the abilities to do even the simple things. The narcissist will never launch an open attack, but use statements like “don’t want to hurt you but…” to point out some shortcoming. They will try to take over anything which symbolizes control such as handling bills or making decisions about purchases. The empathy will be looked down upon for their interests and many such things that form their identity. Gradually, the empath starts to believe that they are less capable and they “need” someone like the person in their life. They get the notion no one would want them.

5 For an empath, this relationship will be everything as they are the ones who are in love. Out of love, they would always want to soothe and cheer the narcissist, talk to them, help them and do whatever it makes them feel good. The narcissists project themselves as the victim of their past, their relationships, and the circumstances. The empaths are givers; they try to make up for all the unfortunate things that have ever happened to the narcissist.

6 The empath has a good and a clear heart and cannot imagine the deep and unresolved wounds of the narcissist are not the same as their own. Healing those wounds is different from their own.

7 The relationship is all about the narcissist. The empath realizes this slowly, and a time comes when they feel afraid to talk or fight for their needs and desires. In their attempt to please they don’t want to voice their true needs. They would rather be likable than give any reason to be disliked. But, secretly they are not too happy.

8 The more devotion, love, care, affection, and effort the empath puts into the relationship, the narcissist feels completely in control over the relationship. The empath literally dances to the tune of the narcissist. As long as the empath continues to appease the narcissist, it’s impossible to detect any problem in the relationship. The problem occurs when the empath finally reaches the breaking point.

9 Finally, the empath raises a voice because they can no longer keep up with the suppressing ways of the narcissist. Day after day their emotional needs remain unfulfilled. This happens because from the beginning of the relationship they have believed their partner’s emotional needs are all that matters. When they finally understand their well-being also matters, and speak out, they seem selfish. The narcissist does not like it.

10 The narcissist is an attention seeker. They get satisfaction when people fuss around them. Their needs can never be met, they can never be satisfied. They may move to other partners, open a new business, travel around the world, get involved in new creative pursuits, and so on and so forth, but they will never be happy. The empath isn’t aware of this fact.

11 When the empath finally bursts out something like “My feelings also matter,” the narcissist is quick to call the empath “crazy”. They call them over-dramatic and their concerns unfounded. This kind of dismissive behavior is the tactics used by them to gain control over the empath’s mind.

12 The empath gets confused. Why they have meted out such behavior, is beyond their understanding. They start blaming themselves and wonder if they are at all worthy of being loved by anyone at all.

13 At this point, the empath is not able to understand that they are just beingmanipulated. Their partner has bent everything around them to create a twisted view of the circumstances. There can be anything around them to let them know the truth that they are the one who is “right” and it’s their partner who is tremendously “wrong” and wicked.

14 The empath will try to communicate with the narcissist in all truthfulness. The narcissist will, however, justify their behavior and pass the blame.

15 It is normal to feel lost, confused and hurt. But despite all the heart-break, the empath will need to be calm and do some self-evaluation to figure out how they became so defenseless. This is how they will start transforming.

16 The empath will know that they are by nature healers. They have the inner strength to help others in the right ways, sometimes as a duty and sometimes when life brings them to such situations.

17 The empath has to realize the bitter truth that not everyone deserves their love, care, and affection. Not everyone who seems distressed and unhappy is revealing their true self. There are some people who have sinister motives and have a very different outlook towards relationships and people than they do. Not everyone they fall in love with can be trusted so quickly.

18 In this situation, the empath must realize that they too are in a very bad situation something of which the narcissist in their life always spoke of. But, in their case, it would be different. They would make positive efforts and heal themselves. The narcissist will not.

19 For the empath this will be a painful awakening. They will learn from the experience to move ahead.

20 The narcissist will continue as if nothing happened and they are completely innocent. They won’t remember for a moment that someone loved them so deeply and intensely. They won’t remember the powerful bond they once had with someone and just move on to find it somewhere else. A time will come when they will know they can neither connect with themselves nor with other people.

21 The narcissist will move on. In time they will find another victim.

22 The empath will be stronger, wiser and be more cautious about who they time, affection and love.

Although I am posting this to be a help for both men and women, I will be concentrating on male victims here, as 1. It is more applicable to my own circumstance, and 2. There is far more help for women victims than there are men, especially in this ridiculous ‘metoo’ b.s. that has currently all the rage (don’t get me started on that issue – I’ll write another article on that another time). Since men seem to be the exception (they’re not, but again, another issue), I feel they may need more direction, so that what has happened to me, may not happen to someone else.

So, in short, there will be a lot coming forth in the future.
Until then,

~Namaste