Revealing Insults

Greetings,

I recently have been doing more stuff on social media again, as I try to follow any marketing path for my writing that does not involve expenditures I cannot currently afford.  i know I should stick to advertising and marketing related posts, but there are some subjects, such as narcissistic and domestic abuse, that can stir me to make a comment.  Because of my own history of being a victim of both, I will occasionally comment on the gender-bias and stigmas males face in this area.  I advise them to run, do not walk, to the nearest exit and take any and all legal steps to protect themselves.

l should know better, but…

So, naturally, whenever I make these sorts of comments, it is inevitable that some feminazi will call me an ‘incel’.  This is a revealing insult, and says much about those making it:

  1.  It says the person making the insult is offended by the notion any man can choose not to be swayed by feminine wiles.  Is that all this person has to offer?
  2.  It reveals the person does not actually believe in equality, which is always the crux of my comments, but believes in superiority.
  3. It implies that anyone suggesting men stay single in a gender-biased society is involuntarily celibate, by definition, as if they are weak or somehow inferior in the eyes of women, or have nothing to offer, which is sexist as all hell, and could not be further from the truth.
  4. It states the person is fine with double standards and inequality, as long as they can bitch about it.
  5. They show their own gender-bias in terms of domestic and narcissistic abuse; it’s okay for women to abuse men, but any man that abuses a woman is a monster.  This staggers my mind, actually.  Abuse is abuse, and equally evil regardless of gender.

And those are just the first few things to spring to mind.  It would seem to me that maybe these people may have lost a few relationships because they were emasculating bitches.  Just sayin’.

Yes, I am now a hermit.  After suffering a decade of emotional and other abuse, I chose to take myself out of the game. There’s nothing involuntary about it, and it’s not an easy choice for me, as anyone who knows me (and knows my libido) can attest.  I actually love women…a lot.  There are more than one I’ve pined for, and still do, but when your life has been devastated as mine has, the priority is repairing the damage, and making sure it never happens again.  For me, the choice was clear, if not welcome.  On the upside, however, such comments show me that I made the right choice.

Just another rant.  Thanks for reading.

Until next time…

~Namaste

2021: From Bad to Worse?

Greetings,

Well, here it is, the last day of 2020. I’d like to say I was happy for it to be over, that I was confident the coming year will prove to be a good one for all, but that is simply not true. What I see coming is more of the same shit – both for me and everyone else impacted by the strange world we now find ourselves in. More lockdowns, more authoritarianism than you can shake a stick at, more division as the carefully orchestrated political and social engineering continues its inexorable path toward extinction of our freedom, and those on the right reveal their true sociopathic nature.
Not that the left is really any better. Biden showed his true colors today when he appointed ‘Mr. Monsanto’ as head of the USDA. This does not bode well, nor does the news he plans on trying to ‘work with’ the same sociopaths that have tried their best to help the orange idiot currently in the White House stage a coup, and who repeatedly have shown themselves to nothing but puppets for corporations and the narcissists that own and run them.
If we, as a people, do not get our priorities straight in the coming year, if we do not realize just how rotten the system has become, and begin to take steps to correct it, then things will continue to get worse. It would be nice if we could correct things, cut out the infection, before it kills the patient, but I fear things will continue to spiral until it collapses, and we will once again be forced to rise from the ashes. The powerful are taking steps to make sure only they survive, so it is in the best interest of everyone else to make sure this does not happen, in my opinion.
For me, personally, I see 2021 as a year wherein I may finish 2 or possibly three books, which is a good thing creatively, but financially, I know things will be harder, as they will likely be for everyone. I do not market my books as I should; I’m too busy writing and designing in addition to the other hats I’m required to wear, and this is not likely to change in the coming year. If anything, things will most likely be even busier, the struggle to survive harder, and the returns even more sparse.
A grim picture, overall. For me, as a victim of emotional abuse and a gender-biased and corrupt court system, I have found little to know help for the physical and mental damage that continues to plague me. Anxiety and depression are rampant these days, and for me, the abuse I suffered exacerbated both these conditions. The next year is sure to have me facing these with increased severity, and the only means I have to combat them are my creative pursuits and the company of my little girl.
Hopefully, they will be enough.
I give my best wishes to all my friends, and to the world at large, and hope they have a happier year in the coming days than what they were given in 2020. One thing is for sure – in order to have a brighter future, we will all need to work toward it.

Until Next Time –

A Narcissistic Christmas

Another Christmas.
It would have been at least somewhat pleasurable, despite the memories this and all holidays now instill in me due to the narcissistic abuse I suffered for a decade. I got to spend some time with my little one, and even though I have an extremely limited income (most going to my abuser, more salt in the wound twice a month, and a reminder of how little justice there is in our court system), I managed to get a fair collection of presents for my daughter. She was delighted to get them, and I enjoyed watching her open her gifts, one of the few pleasures I have left in this world. Had I been left alone, the holiday would have at least have had some moments untarnished by the effects I live with every day.
But of course, one of the many trademark behaviors of a narcissist is that they cannot let holidays or other special occasions pass without attempting to control the emotional reactions of their former and present victims. This behavior can range from the obvious, to the very subtle and sublime. In the case of my ex-wife, it takes the form of the latter, usually disguised as ‘friendly communication’, texts that are sent to your phone intended for ‘someone else’, and other actions that would appear innocent to those who are ignorant of narcissists, or of the particular person in question. I get to deal with both, and know the true purpose behind such – reminders of the pain, of the discard, and the ghetto rat my family was torn apart for.
Case in point, when they send you ‘innocent’ pictures of holiday gatherings, with subtle or not so subtle objects in the background. To an outside observer, this may seem accidental, but make no mistake: the narc knows exactly what they are doing. I know I should expect such behavior, and do what I can to avoid it by not engaging, but I cannot completely avoid contact, as we share a child. Even after three years, such things stab deep, and bring with it all the normal reactions I have when faced with betrayal, cowardice, and a complete lack of honor or even common sense. After all this time, the wounds still feel fresh, and likely will for as long as I continue to feel the effects, physical, emotional, and financial, that was inflicted on me by a such a creature. This will in all likelihood be for the remainder of my time here on earth, and I cannot stress to anyone dealing with these sociopaths the importance of getting out while there is still time, for the damage can be severe, even life-altering. Should they gain a foothold to the point where you become a victim, nothing and nowhere is safe. Nothing is sacred, from the vows of marriage, to the smallest of traditions or pleasures. Do yourself a favor, and get them out of your life.
Otherwise, your life could be tainted forever.

Three Years

It was three years ago today that a narcissist had me jailed for a crime I did not commit in order to get custody of my daughter, and made the court system of Virginia complicit in a multitude of crimes, including perjury, larceny, adultery, assault, battery, and general domestic abuse, and kidnapping. The experience almost killed me, and left me without sensation or mobility on my right side for six weeks.
All so she could chase after a p.o.s. ghetto rat.
I’m sure her parents and other flying monkeys are proud.
I’m certain many will find my language and attitude to be somewhat bitter. Too fucking bad. Facts are facts, and truth stands alone.
The fact of the matter is, it’s always just fine as long as the victim just continues to take the punishment, but heaven forbid if they actually stand up for themselves. This is true for both domestic abuse, and the idiots in the legislature and court system (most likely composed of narcissists themselves) who condone a gender-biased system, and write nebulous laws to feed their for-profit prison systems.
We have a serious problem in this country, a festering infection that has pervaded our society, one born of greed for money and power, and is rotting the very nature of humanity from within and without. I wish I could say this is just a phase, that I feel confident we will elevate ourselves as a society and a species, and improve the human condition, but the signs are not good. I do not think for a moment that the conditions the world is operating in now, just at the time when discontent with both authoritarianism and corporate greed was sweeping the world, a time when the human race was just beginning to wake from their enslavement, was simply a coincidence.
And before anyone wants to use the term ‘conspiracy theory’ in my direction, keep in mind I knew the term was going to be introduced into the American lexicon before it happened. No, I don’t have any confidence things will get better. Watch and see – I’ll bet money things will get worse, and due to the effective programming and social engineering taking place, most will not even know it. They’ll be more than happy to dismiss anyone who knows better, however, and do their best to serve their masters.
As for me, I’ll keep being a free-thinking pain in the ass, thank you very much, and point out the sick, twisted, corrupt shit wherever I find it. I call a spade a spade, boys and girls, and I’m going to keep doing so.
Yes, I have an attitude – the same attitude whenever anyone is victimized by these greedy, narcissistic pieces of shit, whether it is me, or anyone else. Before my life was destroyed by the worst sort of deliberate deception (one I’ll never allow the chance of occurring again), I was more than vocal in my defense against such things, and it is time to be so once again.
At least that is one part of me that wasn’t killed off in the last three years.
This is why I’m writing a book detailing my experiences with my now ex-wife, the court system, and everyone involved in the matter. And I’ll name names. Let them come for me too – they won’t like the result. Darkness never likes having the light shone upon it, and the more they try, the brighter it will get.
There’s my rant for the day. Another day to celebrate with regret, a reminder of the cause of every painful event, of the loss and suffering imposed by that fateful encounter. The day will pass. The effects never will.

Poetry Therapy

Here is a poem/song that I wrote to help deal with the effects of narcissistic abuse. The Muse insisted I share.

Never Be the Same

I sit helpless as more of me dies
A little more each day because of her lies
How long until there is nothing left?
I’ve become a victim, a wanton act of theft
Nothing but a pawn in her twisted game
I’ve passed beyond hope and will never be the same

Never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Trapped here in the dark
With things that have no name

I sit here staring as my eyes fill with tears
All those many scars, all those wasted years
Once upon a time, I thought you might be the one,
Then you tore into me, nothing left when you were done
Now I never even want to hear your name
I have passed beyond reason and will never be the same

Never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Trapped here in the dark
With things that have no name

Never be the same,
No, I’ll never be the same
You tore my heart apart
You’re the only one to blame

How many times did I fall victim to your schemes?
How many times did I sacrifice my dreams?
You left me bleeding and my heart is full of pain
I have passed beyond sadness and will never be the same

Never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Trapped here in the dark
And you’re the one to blame

I’ll never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Oh, no no no
Never be the same

There are some wounds that are difficult to heal. When I wrote this, I realized there were some things that could never be right again. Healing changes us, and sometimes, the scars are deep.

~Namaste

It Could Be Worse

Greetings.

As predicted, it’s been an eventful couple of days. I went to my emergency dental appointment yesterday, and the looks of surprise when they saw my condition was both amusing and reassuring, as they were obviously concerned. They seemed surprised to learn how many times in my life I’ve had to endure this level of pain, something I related during the preparation for the procedure.
“Not to be mean, but it sounds like you’ve had a difficult life.” the dental aide remarked.
“It is what it is,” I told her.
After half a dozen needles, and some time for the numbing agent to take effect, they proceeded to cut the inside of my jaw, which I did not feel at all. The dental surgeon then did her best to drain the abcess, and I felt that quite a bit. Not the actual draining – my mouth was too numb for that – but in order to drain it properly, she had to basically grab handfuls of my face and squeeze with all her strength, and although the numb portions felt nothing, the rest of my face felt like it was being ripped off. This lasted for about ten minutes or so, as she repeated the procedure in the hopes of lessening the swelling. The dental surgeon remarked that it ‘wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.”
Initially, they did not want to do an extraction, as it would be ‘an extremely difficult and painful process, with level 9-10 pain for an extended time.” After the draining, they changed their mind, but I was no longer up for it. The face manhandling had been enough for one day, and so I go back in a bit to get the second half of this problem taken care of once and for all.
Still, it could be worse.
This is just another lingering side effect of my relationship with a malicious, malignant/covert narcissist. Had this happened while I was still married to her, I would have had to suffer through more indignation in the form of criticism and mockery of my condition – something I had been through on previous occasions during a decade of abuse. This is one more reason these people – and I use the word lightly – need to identified, and removed from society. They are pure toxicity, and a threat to anyone they encounter, and the court system in particular needs to be cleansed of these poisonous creatures, for they make a mockery of the tenets they are sworn to uphold, ones that form the core of our freedoms, and can destroy the lives of the most innocent. I should know, for I’ve seen it done more than once.
Fortunately, between my high pain tolerance and the effectiveness of my meds, I am still able to write, and unless the infection fails to respond to treatment, this will soon be just another painful memory among many.
But, on the upside, two of the technicians said they’d buy my book, so there’s that…

Until next time,

~Namaste

Update: Dec. 7, 2020

Greetings,

I’ve been on a creative streak of late, so naturally, something had to come along and interrupt it. Along with the many indignities I suffered while incarcerated for a crime I did not commit, the water in the facility destroyed the fillings in my teeth, and damaged them as well. This did not present any immediate danger – I’ve been busy doing what I can to rebuild my life, and my physical limitations have made this a slower progression than I would like.
This changed on Saturday morning, when I was awakened by an ache in my jaw. Thinking it was a temporary sensitivity, I took a few OTC pain relievers and went about my business. Typical Aries shit, you know?
I did my best to manage the pain, getting no sleep whatsoever that night, but by early afternoon on Sunday, the pain had escalated to beyond an 8 on the pain scale, and liberal use of Oragel, two extra strength pain relievers, and a 30mg Tramadol could do nothing to help. I discovered a swelling from the tooth to the bottom of my jaw, and scheduled an emergency dental appointment for Monday morning.
That did nothing to help the pain. So, off I went to the emergency room. By the time I reached the hospital, there was no doubt an abcess forming under one of my cracked teeth, and my blood pressure read 192/119.
Yay.
They gave me a couple pain pills, an antibiotic, and a topical anesthetic, along with prescriptions for the same. Unfortunately, the pharmacy will not open until tomorrow, so the double dose they gave me in the emergency room will have to last until I can get the scrip filled. As I write this, the swelling in my jaw has grown considerably. I hope I am able to hit it with another dose of antibiotics before my appointment tomorrow.
As it is, I am beginning to resemble either Marlon Brando in the Godfather, or Joseph Merrick. The pain is manageable…for now…but there are several hours of pain ahead, then more pain, and then recovery, and I have to be stable by the coming weekend, as my little one has my attention that weekend.
Like I said. Something has to go wrong, because I was feeling way too good.
Yup. When I am chock full of pain-killers, I sometimes quote song lyrics or engage in other various types of wordplay. Sometimes they land, sometimes they don’t, and I usually am in no state to care.
Looking forward to tomorrow. I’ll give the dentist an offer he can’t refuse…
Not really.

Until next time…

~Namaste

Blame the Muse

Greetings,

As some may know, I indulge in writing (bad) poetry from time to time. Different things inspire artists in different ways – and in my case, it most often takes the form of writing. I write my bad poetry when inspired by the Muse, as I do my novels, and although I feel my poetry is ghastly in comparison to my prose, I feel the urge to share it with those who bother to follow my blog, so I’ll be posting them here from time to time.
The following poem was inspired by a person, and if said person realizes it’s about them, I apologize for the poor writing. Shakespeare I ain’t, boys and girls.
But my heart, what there is of it, is in the right place.
So…

ANGEL OF THE NORTH

A shining Muse, an Angel in the North
Let your spirit flow, your radiance come forth
That heavenly smile, those verdant eyes
That shelter a spirit wounded by lies
Healing now, shining, to bathe in that grace
Lucky be the man that beholds your face
A beautiful soul among the celestial constellation,
To that being I give my love and admiration
No thoughts of possession, no feelings of lust
Nothing impure, so selfish or unjust
Just a hopeless romantic, enchanted from afar
Whose life is brighter because of what you are
May you always know love, and be able to shine
May the spirit inside be untouched by time
May you always be free, and a little wild,
May you always nurture that inner child
May you dance and laugh and love your life
May your days be bright and free of strife
May you find your way along the path
And those that hurt you suffer a warrior’s wrath
May your days be long, your love run deep
And the Goddess protect you as you sleep
May you know you will be my friend
For all the days, now until the end

~So Mote It Be

Yeah, Yeah, I know.
I know.
But, the Muse has a whip, and I gladly do her bidding.
Blame it on the Muse.

~Namaste

Works in Progress – Nov. 2020

Greetings,

I’ve been writing quite a bit lately. The Muse was very lively for awhile, and when she rests, I transcribe from hand-written journal pages for my upcoming non-fiction work. This latter is harder for me to write. The account of my life during that time is not an easy thing to relate; to transcribe the events of that period is to relive those events in my mind, and for people with CPTSD, that can be especially difficult. I hope, in the long run, that I will be able to help men who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to avoid a similar outcome. To date, that manuscript stands at 97,293 words.
There is still a ways to go on both my works in progress. My new fiction novel is about a third of the way through the first draft. My Muse has been on a break, allowing me to catch up on the non-fiction work, but I know I will be back to writing on that strange tale soon. This novel will be as different from my first two as they were to each other, with elements of both horror and suspense, with a little metaphysics and science thrown in for good measure. It is the most fun I’ve had writing so far, and I hope to have the manuscript finished within the next few months.
I’m also trying to post more here, and increase my social media presence, something I’ve neglected for far too long, and I’ll post more information about that as it develops.
Stay tuned folks, there’s a lot more coming in the future!

Until next time,

~Namaste

Gender Bias vs. Johnny Depp

Greetings all,

Well, this is going to be one of those rants where I say it just like it is, and not give a fuck about who gets offended by what, so strap in and enjoy the ride.
I’m going to start this article by stating flat out that I think the English Domestic Court system is as full of shit as it is on this side of the pond, filled with gender bias and corruption that should earn those responsible a haul over a gravel road via tow chain at fifty miles an hour, and the recent verdict in the recent lawsuit brought Johnny Depp for being accused of being a ‘wife beater’ by The Sun, a British newspaper (although from my experience with the Sun, I use that term lightly).
Now, before any of you get your panties in a bunch for whatever reason, be assured I don’t make this statement as an armchair, knee-jerk, I’m-offended-by-something-on-facebook reaction. As a victim of male domestic abuse, particularly narcissistic abuse by a sociopathic female, I know first-hand of the matters at hand. So, unless your research extends beyond a few YouTube videos or Faux News (what I call the Fox network), save your indignation. Period. I have no tolerance for any form of abuse, domestic or otherwise, but male domestic abuse is something that deserves attention.
There are more cases of male domestic abuse than any of the statistics would suggest. There are multiple reasons for this, the least of which is the social gender roles cast on men to be ‘strong’ and ’emotionally distant’, so the actual number of cases are under-reported. Most cases are not reported at all, and those that are reported are often turned around by the court system to punish the victim. These two factors are among the many that make it a tougher battle for men in domestic court than it does for women (not that women don’t face their own difficulties with a justice system that is basically a contest of who can afford the better lawyer).
The ‘metoo’ movement is an extension of this. I could go into length about my thoughts on this particular issue, but that is a subject for another article. Like most socially engineered topics, this has escalated to the point where any woman can cost a man his job through nothing more than unfounded allegations. I should note here the difference in reactions to such cases of ‘inappropriateness’. Id be interested to see the results if men raised their voice and pursued every inappropriate remark as a case of sexual discrimination, abuse, or whatever, as has seemed to be the case of late with women, but men do not react to such inappropriateness in the same fashion, which is one of many things I feel need to change.
I have been following the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and my experiences with the abuse at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder, along with all the testimony and information available regarding the case, looks to be a classic case of male domestic abuse at the hands of a female covert narcissist. As in my case, multiple former wives and partners testified that Mr. Depp had never gotten physical with them, and tended to suffer a high degree of patience in domestic altercations, which is an indication of the empathetic end of a typical narcissist/empath relationship. Of course, all human beings have limits, and when an empath dares to express any natural emotion in response to their abuse, such as anger, despair, etc, then the narcissist will play the role of the abused. This is a favorite tactic of these nasty, toxic creatures in court, and the court loves to just eat up their performance. Whether this is an effort to pacify those who have learned their political power, or just another line in the program of control that we call society is immaterial: this case had all the earmarks of a case of reactive abuse, and that Ms. Heard was the actual instigator.
Now, as in so many other cases, we have a man whose entire career has been impacted by the simple virtue of being male. This is a common enough occurrence where the increasingly aware population has coined its own campaigns against the illogical practice of believing all allegations of abuse by women, while dismissing any such attempts by men to defend themselves.
This case again underlines the need for more training by the courts on narcissistic abuse, and male domestic abuse in general. More experts need to be involved in the domestic court system. Until this changes, there will continue to be injustices in this arena. This is not equality, and imbalance will inevitably create a backlash. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I can see some unpleasant things in our social future is these imbalances are not corrected, and we cannot come together in terms of justice and equality.
Just a few thoughts, as this hearing affects not only Mr. Depp, but all victims of male domestic abuse.

Until next time,

~Namaste