Category Archives: News

General announcements and updates

A Sad Loss

I received word that my first wife, and mother of my first two children, passed away at approximately 1 a.m. this morning. I have yet to process this, but it has affected me, and I believe it will for quite some time to come. I do know that for me, it marks the end of yet another era, another chapter of my life. Yet more of my past is now locked forever in history, and my world has become smaller with her passing.
I met Gina when I was still in high school, and she was my girlfriend from my sophomore year onward. We had our share of misadventures, as many of that age did at the time, and memories of those times come out of the dark now at odd hours to remind me of just how long I’ve been on this road. We got married pretty much right out of school, for different reasons, I suppose, although both of us being young and stupid counted for a lot of what happened after.
Yes, things went wrong. It was my relationship that blew my portfolio review for MICA, where I had pretty much been scheduled to receive a full scholarship, and this changed my life to an extreme degree. There was a great deal of misery and strife, also because we were young and stupid, and I became a work horse, doing whatever I could to support my wife and children. I hated most of these jobs, hated life a great deal of the time, to be honest, and although I grew to know our relationship was in trouble, I continued to hold onto hope until the very end. Things were made worse by my grandmother, who did not hold my wife or her family in any regard, and made things harder for us because of it.
This was made even worse after we divorced, using whatever means she could to cause more tension between us, and still being young and stupid, I did nothing to make things easier. It took another ten years for us to reconcile our past, and to begin treating each other civilly. We had done what was necessary for the children in the meantime, but it was never friendly. I resented my treatment, and it took years for me to understand how we had both been manipulated by our caregivers, and the truth behind what had happened to us. It was then that I could finally forgive her for the things she had done, and let go of my anger. In the end, we ended up creating two beautiful children together, and I came to understand that some things…are not about us; they are about greater things.
Yet, despite all the bad things that happened, all the things she may have done against me in our marriage, I know she never took pleasure in it. Anything we did, we did for reasons inspired by our youth and inexperience, for our own protection, or doing what we thought we needed to do. Neither of us ever set out to set up the other, or deliberately cause them pain for our pleasure or benefit. In short, my first wife had some flaws, as do we all, but she was not a narcissistic monster like the one that nearly killed me several years ago. She did not deserve the cancer that ravaged her for four years, did not deserve the pain and fear it brings, nor did her children or husband, all of whom are decent people who do their best to make their way in the world without hurting others. Gina never had what could be called an easy life, and I think she deserved much more happiness than what she received. I can only hope that now, after fighting a battle against that dark and insidious opponent, that she will finally know happiness and peace.
Farewell and Godspeed, Gina. Rest now, and take joy in knowing your children, all of them, love you and will miss you.
As will I.

Update 8-14-2021

Greetings all!

For those of you just joining in, I’ve been working on a new fiction novel for some time now, one I began a few years ago, back when I was unknowingly in a struggle against narcissistic abuse. I wanted this novel to be my second work, but I several short stories and novellas were crying for my attention, and so that became ‘Strange Stories, Twisted Tales’.
Later, when the smoke began to clear, I found the concept of the story – inspired by a number of interests and beliefs of mine cultivated through time – to be intriguing, and began work in earnest on my second novel length work. As I picked up the pieces of the story and worked on establishing a general outline, the project grew a bit in scope. I’ve always been a bit long-winded, but I’m comfortable with that, at least in first drafts, but as I worked on the details of the story, I realized I needed to deal with the effects of the events on the Main Character’s mental health. The story took on an entire new aspect with that realization, and it has proven to be the right decision, if preliminary reactions are to be believed, lol.
Now, I’ve come to that point where I basically have to pull whatever strings I’ve laid out in the story together, and turn it into a plot that makes sense. This means taking a critical look at what I have plotted so far, making sure those strings I wish to tie up will, at some point, be tied neatly. Sometimes I have to condense or trim things. This isn’t an editing phase, not really – more of a course correction. Once this is done, the remaining distance is always easier to travel, and the journey all the more rewarding.
I’m still looking to have this newest novel finished before the end of the year. As it gets closer to release, I’ll have title and cover reveals, so stay tuned!

Until next time,
~Namaste

Update: 8-5-2021

Greetings,

I can’t believe it’s already been 3 months since my last update.
Wait…
Yes I can.
Repeated abuses, both by the travesty we have as a court system, and as either a direct or indirect result of actions by my cheating ex, has affected me all levels: physical, emotional, intellectual, and financial. Time has become very strange, as I can no longer maintain a normal sleep pattern due to anxiety and depression (not without a shit-ton of meds, which I can’t afford anyway), and the combined effects have made life difficult for me in a multitude of ways. I lose track of days, events, and thoughts now, when I never did before. The difference is substantial, and time has become like a rubber band. 5 days can seem like 1 long work day. Sometimes 1 day seems like 3. I no longer pay my bills on time – haven’t for months. The only thing, and I mean this quite literally, that I get right is being on time for my visitation, and even that requires more energy than it should.
Every time I have tried to heal, the sources of the original pain and injuries reappear to fuck with my life again, and further exascerbate my injuries – namely, the joke that we call the legal system in this country. Don’t be stupid enough to let anyone convince you that any part of our government is here to serve the people. I know you WANT to believe that…you are TOLD to believe that…and then those that comprise that entity reveal themselves to be greedy, narcissistic, pedophilic sociopaths – and we just go right along with our day and ignore it.
Sadly, I can’t.
I was raised to believe in certain things, and when I am forced to live in a corruption of that ideal, and that corruption affects my life on a very real level, it just cannot be ignored. I have suffered PTSD since 2002 – the source? A Virginia State Trooper threatened my life when I politely asked for a copy of the witness list after suffering a forward ejection through the sunroof of an SUV that was flipping over at 40 mph. Had it not been for the EMT’s that showed up at that moment, that narcissistic bully with a badge may have ended my life. EVERY single encounter I have had with the system since then, has been of equal ridiculousness, been equally corrupt, been morally and ethically wrong, and an egregious misuse of the authority GIVEN to these people (the fact it is given seems to have been forgotten).
I have been writing, however. I write because it’s the only outlet I have. The state, in collusion with my ex, were complicit in assault, battery, perjury, kidnapping, defamation, misrepresentation, adultery, and extortion. This left me pretty much without the means to do much else, so I do the best I can with what I have. It isn’t easy, living every moment of every day in outrage and indignation, of seeing the principles I was raised on become as useless as wedding vows, of having double-digit IQ nimrods abuse you physically and emotionally – just because they have the immunity to do so.
And we, as normal citizens, normally do not have the means to strike back. But I CAN write.
And I will.
My non-fiction work may get me sued. I don’t care. I’ll have all the transcripts, texts, emails, and other evidence to back it up. I’ve decided, you see, that if I cannot win against the shit-show that is our government, the least I can do is continue to tell the truth. This will be sure to make some ass-fucks upset. Too bad. It’s my life, and I’ll tell the facts of it, one way or another. If they didn’t want their deeds exposed, don’t do the shit to begin with – pretty simple, right?
So, every interaction I have is now recorded, names taken, details noted. I may not be able to avoid the damage caused by the incompetence, greed, and sheer sociopathy I encounter in our ‘authority’ figures and institutions, but I can sure as fuck expose it. Our lives are all private novels, and now mine will be an open book.

Until next time,

~Namaste

Writing Update 5-20-2021

In most horror movies, and in most novels in the genre, the treatment of the emotional effects of the events experienced by the main characters, including the protagonist, seem to be done in either one of two extremes: it is either ignored, or the character becomes a victim of the emotional/mental effects, going of the deep end to become the final victim or the next generation antagonist. In movies, this is easy to explain; the events are condensed in order to tell a cohesive story in the running time of the film. In many cases, the story takes place over a short period of time. Psychological horror is the exception to this, of course, as the entire story is centered on that very aspect. That being said, there are also exceptions to this, and those exceptions often prove to be excellent portrayals in their respective mediums. I believe Horror is at its best when the emphasis is on the emotional aspects of the characters involved, especially when it comes to prose.
In my upcoming fiction work, the events take place over an extended period of time, which will have the quite natural effect of affecting the mental health of the protagonist. As I suffer from the effects of depression and anxiety related to years of narcissistic abuse, I will be drawing from personal experience to describe the effects of these events on my MC in the terms of the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress. This is proving to be both the most challenging and rewarding aspect of this new novel, and I look forward to being able to have it ready for beta in the next few months. I’ll be giving more details in upcoming posts.

Until next time,

~Namaste

Misprints

Greetings,

My apologies to those who purchased copies of my second book.  Apparently, the file I uploaded to the printer was corrupted, even though in review I did not detect any errors.  I do not know if I saved an old file over an edited version, or what, but somewhere along the way, the version that saw print was littered with corrupted text and other errors.  I managed to correct these over the last two weeks, and have resubmitted the manuscript.

So, if you purchased a copy, I owe you a new one.  Please feel free to contact me through my Facebook page, and I will send you a signed copy on me. If you purchased the Kindle version, I will make sure you get an updated copy for free. It’s the lease I can do for those who support my work.
Again, my apologies.

Until next time,

~Namaste

Writing Update – 2-25-2021

Greetings,

My new fiction WIP is nearing the halfway point on the first draft.  I am currently working on chapter 26 of 52 outlined, although this may be subject to change.  This novel will be something of a departure in some ways from the standard, but I really cannot say more without giving it away.  A few close friends are in the know, of course, because I’m basically a hermit and it gives me something to talk about on those rare occasions where I take a break from my cloistered life, but I don’t like spoilers, so I’ll be keeping things under my hat for now.

I do my best to write every day, although real life and physical limits do intervene from time to time.  I am hoping to have the first draft completed sometime around mid-May, although this too will change.  I’ll post further updates in the future.

Until Next Time…

~Namaste

It Could Be Worse

Greetings.

As predicted, it’s been an eventful couple of days. I went to my emergency dental appointment yesterday, and the looks of surprise when they saw my condition was both amusing and reassuring, as they were obviously concerned. They seemed surprised to learn how many times in my life I’ve had to endure this level of pain, something I related during the preparation for the procedure.
“Not to be mean, but it sounds like you’ve had a difficult life.” the dental aide remarked.
“It is what it is,” I told her.
After half a dozen needles, and some time for the numbing agent to take effect, they proceeded to cut the inside of my jaw, which I did not feel at all. The dental surgeon then did her best to drain the abcess, and I felt that quite a bit. Not the actual draining – my mouth was too numb for that – but in order to drain it properly, she had to basically grab handfuls of my face and squeeze with all her strength, and although the numb portions felt nothing, the rest of my face felt like it was being ripped off. This lasted for about ten minutes or so, as she repeated the procedure in the hopes of lessening the swelling. The dental surgeon remarked that it ‘wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.”
Initially, they did not want to do an extraction, as it would be ‘an extremely difficult and painful process, with level 9-10 pain for an extended time.” After the draining, they changed their mind, but I was no longer up for it. The face manhandling had been enough for one day, and so I go back in a bit to get the second half of this problem taken care of once and for all.
Still, it could be worse.
This is just another lingering side effect of my relationship with a malicious, malignant/covert narcissist. Had this happened while I was still married to her, I would have had to suffer through more indignation in the form of criticism and mockery of my condition – something I had been through on previous occasions during a decade of abuse. This is one more reason these people – and I use the word lightly – need to identified, and removed from society. They are pure toxicity, and a threat to anyone they encounter, and the court system in particular needs to be cleansed of these poisonous creatures, for they make a mockery of the tenets they are sworn to uphold, ones that form the core of our freedoms, and can destroy the lives of the most innocent. I should know, for I’ve seen it done more than once.
Fortunately, between my high pain tolerance and the effectiveness of my meds, I am still able to write, and unless the infection fails to respond to treatment, this will soon be just another painful memory among many.
But, on the upside, two of the technicians said they’d buy my book, so there’s that…

Until next time,

~Namaste

Update: Dec. 7, 2020

Greetings,

I’ve been on a creative streak of late, so naturally, something had to come along and interrupt it. Along with the many indignities I suffered while incarcerated for a crime I did not commit, the water in the facility destroyed the fillings in my teeth, and damaged them as well. This did not present any immediate danger – I’ve been busy doing what I can to rebuild my life, and my physical limitations have made this a slower progression than I would like.
This changed on Saturday morning, when I was awakened by an ache in my jaw. Thinking it was a temporary sensitivity, I took a few OTC pain relievers and went about my business. Typical Aries shit, you know?
I did my best to manage the pain, getting no sleep whatsoever that night, but by early afternoon on Sunday, the pain had escalated to beyond an 8 on the pain scale, and liberal use of Oragel, two extra strength pain relievers, and a 30mg Tramadol could do nothing to help. I discovered a swelling from the tooth to the bottom of my jaw, and scheduled an emergency dental appointment for Monday morning.
That did nothing to help the pain. So, off I went to the emergency room. By the time I reached the hospital, there was no doubt an abcess forming under one of my cracked teeth, and my blood pressure read 192/119.
Yay.
They gave me a couple pain pills, an antibiotic, and a topical anesthetic, along with prescriptions for the same. Unfortunately, the pharmacy will not open until tomorrow, so the double dose they gave me in the emergency room will have to last until I can get the scrip filled. As I write this, the swelling in my jaw has grown considerably. I hope I am able to hit it with another dose of antibiotics before my appointment tomorrow.
As it is, I am beginning to resemble either Marlon Brando in the Godfather, or Joseph Merrick. The pain is manageable…for now…but there are several hours of pain ahead, then more pain, and then recovery, and I have to be stable by the coming weekend, as my little one has my attention that weekend.
Like I said. Something has to go wrong, because I was feeling way too good.
Yup. When I am chock full of pain-killers, I sometimes quote song lyrics or engage in other various types of wordplay. Sometimes they land, sometimes they don’t, and I usually am in no state to care.
Looking forward to tomorrow. I’ll give the dentist an offer he can’t refuse…
Not really.

Until next time…

~Namaste

Works in Progress – Nov. 2020

Greetings,

I’ve been writing quite a bit lately. The Muse was very lively for awhile, and when she rests, I transcribe from hand-written journal pages for my upcoming non-fiction work. This latter is harder for me to write. The account of my life during that time is not an easy thing to relate; to transcribe the events of that period is to relive those events in my mind, and for people with CPTSD, that can be especially difficult. I hope, in the long run, that I will be able to help men who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to avoid a similar outcome. To date, that manuscript stands at 97,293 words.
There is still a ways to go on both my works in progress. My new fiction novel is about a third of the way through the first draft. My Muse has been on a break, allowing me to catch up on the non-fiction work, but I know I will be back to writing on that strange tale soon. This novel will be as different from my first two as they were to each other, with elements of both horror and suspense, with a little metaphysics and science thrown in for good measure. It is the most fun I’ve had writing so far, and I hope to have the manuscript finished within the next few months.
I’m also trying to post more here, and increase my social media presence, something I’ve neglected for far too long, and I’ll post more information about that as it develops.
Stay tuned folks, there’s a lot more coming in the future!

Until next time,

~Namaste

Update – Sept. 10, 2020

Greetings, everyone.

Lots of stuff going on. I’ve passed 34k words on my next fiction novel. This third work of fiction will explore some of the stranger aspects of perception and what we call reality, and explores both the science and spirituality of life, death, and rebirth. It is proving to be a research-intensive project, but I am still hoping to have the finished novel available by the end of the year. I’ll update when possible, so stay tuned!

~namaste