Letter to Savannah 7/25/18

My Little Savannah,

I have been missing you so very much these last few days. I have been looking at pictures I have of you, and of all of us together, to try and feel better. I wish I could tell you all the things that are going on, and how sad your Daddy really is inside. You are too young to understand, though, and even if you were old enough, I wouldn’t want you to know until much later. Your daddy loves you very much, and to your Daddy, love is the rarest, most precious emotion there is, and he hasn’t felt it for very many people, and they are all family to me, including your sisters, and your Mommy.
Looking at these pictures always stirs my heart, because there are memories attached to every one of them, and there are a lot of pictures. I have so many memories of you, of your Mommy, and of all of us together. To me, there were always more good times than bad, and I tried very hard to please both you and your Mommy. I worked hard, and even though I made some mistakes along the way, I was always trying to make you both happy, and would have done anything to keep us all together.
I wish I could tell you how much Daddy has been hurt, and maybe one day you will know, but I hope it’s not for a long time. I know my little girl – you are empathic like your Daddy, and if you knew, it would break your heart, and I just can’t do that to someone I love. I hope you never lose that trait; it can be a harder path in life, because your emotions are open, but you get to feel the good things so much stronger too. I think this is why I kept loving your mom, even when I found out that she had not loved me for a long time, or maybe ever. I think that’s why I still love her now, even when I know she would be mad if I said so…because when I did feel loved, it was the best feeling ever, and those memories, and being with you, were and are the happiest times. I know you can tell how much I love my little girl. I love being your Daddy, just as I did for Brianna and Katrina. Being your Dad is the absolute best part of my life. You make me very proud, and that feeling of pride just keeps getting stronger as I watch how fast you learn.
I know that as you get older, we may disagree..but inside, I will always love you, and know that your entry into this world gave my life a higher purpose, maybe the best purpose a man can have.
I hope you are having a great day, and that you are happy. I miss you very much, and wish I could be tucking you into bed, like Mommy and I used to do. I miss being able to come home to you every day. I hope you never feel what I have been made to feel. I hope you grow stronger than I have ever been, without giving up that capacity you have to experience such rich emotions. I hope they are all good ones, and that no one ever breaks your heart. I hope you are able to live a full, rich, rewarding, fun life, without having to wonder if someone loved you, and that you are rewarded for the love you give in turn. It’s all a father can hope for his daughter, in the end, what a true father would want for any child. I hope you grow up radiating light to all those who would receive it with genuine respect and honesty. I want these for you, little one, and I will do my utmost to be the best father I can, and help you attain those things.
I hope you have pleasant dreams tonight, and that you remember how much fun we had the last time you were here. I hope to make many more happy memories with you, and cannot wait for my next weekend.

Love, Daddy

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