My Dear Little Savannah,
I dropped you off at the babysitter’s 3 hours ago, and I’m still shaking and crying at work. As usual, you did not want our time together to end. You cried and did your best to get me to let you back in my truck, and it took all my strength not to break down in front of you. I know how much you care about my feelings – you never like to see me upset, and I just couldn’t burden you with how badly it hurts to let you go. I am crying even now, as I write this, because I miss every single second I am away from you. You will only be my little girl for a short time, and because of your mother’s selfishness, I get even less time with you now than I used to, and soon all I will have are the memories of our times together, and then I will be truly alone. Making you and your Mommy happy were all I had, and it was taken from both of us, along with our little house, your room with your letters above your bed, and I can’t describe how much it hurts not only to have to take you back knowing I won’t see you for another two weeks, but to have to drive by where we used to live every time. We had such a nice little place, and you were the happiest I’ve ever seen you there. I wish I could have saved us as a family. I did everything I possibly could to make your mother happy, but she never wanted to be happy with us. I don’t know how anyone could hurt another person the way she has hurt me over the years. All I ever really wanted in life was to have some time together as a family, to get the things I see other people have every day. I wanted to work at home so I could be with you both as much as possible, and had your mother ever cared, if she had ever wanted any of the things I wanted for us, then she would have actually spent some time caring for you, and helping me achieve what would have been a wonderful life for all of us.
It also hurts knowing that one day, you will learn about all the things that have happened – how your mother was cheating on me right after we met, how she cheated on me time and time again, how I forgave her every time with the hope that we could stay together, how she lied and said I attacked her so that she could keep me away from you, and how you would have had a brother or sister if she had not forced herself to miscarry when she found out she was pregnant, just so she could keep running after trashy a-holes that will never love her as much as your Daddy. I wish none of it was true, but it is, and I hope that you don’t end up with the qualities she has now. Instead, I hope you grow up to be like you are now, beautiful, intelligent, honest, and caring of other’s feelings. I will do my best to make sure you keep those qualities, for those are what separates us from the animals; it is what makes us special as human beings. I hope you grow up to be like the image your mother presented when we met, because then, she was a goddess, in mind, body, and spirit. I will never be able to find another woman who can match who she appeared to be, and because of that, I will be alone for the rest of my life.
I wish only the best for you, my little miracle baby, and will do my utmost to love and protect you for as long as I live. I hope you grow up with only good memories of me, and that we can share many special moments and travels together in the years to come.
I miss you, Savannah, every minute of every day, and I cannot wait until we can play together again. It is the best part of my life. I hope you are happy today, and that you always keep that special smile that is uniquely yours. It is a shining light, and I hope it only draws the best people into your life, the opposite of what your mother has surrounded herself after she met me. Until we get together again, I will continue to work on the photos I have taken of you, and will work hard to get us another place where we can be as happy as we used to be.
Until next time,