Tag Archives: editorial

The End of A Local Landmark

I was saddened to learn today of the passing of a local institution, almost a landmark in the Portsmouth and Chesapeake area, one that holds many pleasant memories for myself and my first two children, as well as many others.

This was my weekend to have my little one, and in the course of playing Saturday night, she set up some play bowling pins from when she was a toddler, and pretended her dolls were bowling.  I mentioned her older sister (my two older children do the same, and also refer to their mother’s children by her second marriage as sisters) was a duckpin bowling champion, and she voiced the desire to try the game herself, and I offered to take her to Victory Lanes.

I checked online, and it appeared to be open today, although when I called, I received a recording saying the number was not valid.  Deciding to take a chance, we drove there, and although the van for children’s league was in the parking lot, the building was closed. Not wishing to disappoint my little girl, I took her to Funville indoor playground instead, where she was able to run and play.  She was happy to go, but stated she would really have liked to see if she was anywhere near as good as her older sister.

My first two children both participated in the chldren’s duckpin league at Victory Lanes throughout their stay in Virginia.  It was initially done as an activity – the sort of regular thing that all children can benefit from – and despite some initial reluctance, they both blossomed under the instruction of Mr. Askew, the children’s duckpin league coordinator.  Under his tutelage, the both became excellent players, along with many of their team mates (although my oldest daughter was unquestionably one of, if not the, best among them). Simply put, they became kick-ass duckpin bowlers.  There wasn’t enough room on their bowling shirts for more patches, no more room for their trophies.  They met many fascinating and fun people, got to compete in a friendly atmosphere in a skill-based sport.

In 2002, Mr. Askew passed away.  The league at Victory Lanes were determined to honor his memory, and set about bowling their way to the National Championship, becoming almost unstoppable, leading at least two teams and both my daughters to the final competition.  My oldest daughter led her team in many of the achievements, and the team dedicated their win to the memory of their teacher.

I have only fond memories of the man, and the many lessons he imparted.  My first two were the age my little one is now when they first began bowling, and formed friendships that would last many years, ones that spanned race, gender, and even sexuality.  The only thing that mattered, was they were all part of the same team, and it was a lesson that was learned through the easy interaction and the bonds of team competition.

Sadly, duckpin bowling seems to be a dying sport in this country, and that is a shame.  It has so much to offer to children and adults, both socially in an entertainment value.  It is an indoor sport that does not involve hard impact on the body, and is just plain fun.  Whether a victim of the pandemic, or a move toward more home-based electronic entertainment, places like Victory Lanes are a dying breed, and that is a cause for regret.  For me, it came as a reminder of how quickly things change, and how precious our memories really are.

Until next time,’

Namaste

Revealing Insults

Greetings,

I recently have been doing more stuff on social media again, as I try to follow any marketing path for my writing that does not involve expenditures I cannot currently afford.  i know I should stick to advertising and marketing related posts, but there are some subjects, such as narcissistic and domestic abuse, that can stir me to make a comment.  Because of my own history of being a victim of both, I will occasionally comment on the gender-bias and stigmas males face in this area.  I advise them to run, do not walk, to the nearest exit and take any and all legal steps to protect themselves.

l should know better, but…

So, naturally, whenever I make these sorts of comments, it is inevitable that some feminazi will call me an ‘incel’.  This is a revealing insult, and says much about those making it:

  1.  It says the person making the insult is offended by the notion any man can choose not to be swayed by feminine wiles.  Is that all this person has to offer?
  2.  It reveals the person does not actually believe in equality, which is always the crux of my comments, but believes in superiority.
  3. It implies that anyone suggesting men stay single in a gender-biased society is involuntarily celibate, by definition, as if they are weak or somehow inferior in the eyes of women, or have nothing to offer, which is sexist as all hell, and could not be further from the truth.
  4. It states the person is fine with double standards and inequality, as long as they can bitch about it.
  5. They show their own gender-bias in terms of domestic and narcissistic abuse; it’s okay for women to abuse men, but any man that abuses a woman is a monster.  This staggers my mind, actually.  Abuse is abuse, and equally evil regardless of gender.

And those are just the first few things to spring to mind.  It would seem to me that maybe these people may have lost a few relationships because they were emasculating bitches.  Just sayin’.

Yes, I am now a hermit.  After suffering a decade of emotional and other abuse, I chose to take myself out of the game. There’s nothing involuntary about it, and it’s not an easy choice for me, as anyone who knows me (and knows my libido) can attest.  I actually love women…a lot.  There are more than one I’ve pined for, and still do, but when your life has been devastated as mine has, the priority is repairing the damage, and making sure it never happens again.  For me, the choice was clear, if not welcome.  On the upside, however, such comments show me that I made the right choice.

Just another rant.  Thanks for reading.

Until next time…

~Namaste

2021: From Bad to Worse?

Greetings,

Well, here it is, the last day of 2020. I’d like to say I was happy for it to be over, that I was confident the coming year will prove to be a good one for all, but that is simply not true. What I see coming is more of the same shit – both for me and everyone else impacted by the strange world we now find ourselves in. More lockdowns, more authoritarianism than you can shake a stick at, more division as the carefully orchestrated political and social engineering continues its inexorable path toward extinction of our freedom, and those on the right reveal their true sociopathic nature.
Not that the left is really any better. Biden showed his true colors today when he appointed ‘Mr. Monsanto’ as head of the USDA. This does not bode well, nor does the news he plans on trying to ‘work with’ the same sociopaths that have tried their best to help the orange idiot currently in the White House stage a coup, and who repeatedly have shown themselves to nothing but puppets for corporations and the narcissists that own and run them.
If we, as a people, do not get our priorities straight in the coming year, if we do not realize just how rotten the system has become, and begin to take steps to correct it, then things will continue to get worse. It would be nice if we could correct things, cut out the infection, before it kills the patient, but I fear things will continue to spiral until it collapses, and we will once again be forced to rise from the ashes. The powerful are taking steps to make sure only they survive, so it is in the best interest of everyone else to make sure this does not happen, in my opinion.
For me, personally, I see 2021 as a year wherein I may finish 2 or possibly three books, which is a good thing creatively, but financially, I know things will be harder, as they will likely be for everyone. I do not market my books as I should; I’m too busy writing and designing in addition to the other hats I’m required to wear, and this is not likely to change in the coming year. If anything, things will most likely be even busier, the struggle to survive harder, and the returns even more sparse.
A grim picture, overall. For me, as a victim of emotional abuse and a gender-biased and corrupt court system, I have found little to know help for the physical and mental damage that continues to plague me. Anxiety and depression are rampant these days, and for me, the abuse I suffered exacerbated both these conditions. The next year is sure to have me facing these with increased severity, and the only means I have to combat them are my creative pursuits and the company of my little girl.
Hopefully, they will be enough.
I give my best wishes to all my friends, and to the world at large, and hope they have a happier year in the coming days than what they were given in 2020. One thing is for sure – in order to have a brighter future, we will all need to work toward it.

Until Next Time –

A Narcissistic Christmas

Another Christmas.
It would have been at least somewhat pleasurable, despite the memories this and all holidays now instill in me due to the narcissistic abuse I suffered for a decade. I got to spend some time with my little one, and even though I have an extremely limited income (most going to my abuser, more salt in the wound twice a month, and a reminder of how little justice there is in our court system), I managed to get a fair collection of presents for my daughter. She was delighted to get them, and I enjoyed watching her open her gifts, one of the few pleasures I have left in this world. Had I been left alone, the holiday would have at least have had some moments untarnished by the effects I live with every day.
But of course, one of the many trademark behaviors of a narcissist is that they cannot let holidays or other special occasions pass without attempting to control the emotional reactions of their former and present victims. This behavior can range from the obvious, to the very subtle and sublime. In the case of my ex-wife, it takes the form of the latter, usually disguised as ‘friendly communication’, texts that are sent to your phone intended for ‘someone else’, and other actions that would appear innocent to those who are ignorant of narcissists, or of the particular person in question. I get to deal with both, and know the true purpose behind such – reminders of the pain, of the discard, and the ghetto rat my family was torn apart for.
Case in point, when they send you ‘innocent’ pictures of holiday gatherings, with subtle or not so subtle objects in the background. To an outside observer, this may seem accidental, but make no mistake: the narc knows exactly what they are doing. I know I should expect such behavior, and do what I can to avoid it by not engaging, but I cannot completely avoid contact, as we share a child. Even after three years, such things stab deep, and bring with it all the normal reactions I have when faced with betrayal, cowardice, and a complete lack of honor or even common sense. After all this time, the wounds still feel fresh, and likely will for as long as I continue to feel the effects, physical, emotional, and financial, that was inflicted on me by a such a creature. This will in all likelihood be for the remainder of my time here on earth, and I cannot stress to anyone dealing with these sociopaths the importance of getting out while there is still time, for the damage can be severe, even life-altering. Should they gain a foothold to the point where you become a victim, nothing and nowhere is safe. Nothing is sacred, from the vows of marriage, to the smallest of traditions or pleasures. Do yourself a favor, and get them out of your life.
Otherwise, your life could be tainted forever.

It Could Be Worse

Greetings.

As predicted, it’s been an eventful couple of days. I went to my emergency dental appointment yesterday, and the looks of surprise when they saw my condition was both amusing and reassuring, as they were obviously concerned. They seemed surprised to learn how many times in my life I’ve had to endure this level of pain, something I related during the preparation for the procedure.
“Not to be mean, but it sounds like you’ve had a difficult life.” the dental aide remarked.
“It is what it is,” I told her.
After half a dozen needles, and some time for the numbing agent to take effect, they proceeded to cut the inside of my jaw, which I did not feel at all. The dental surgeon then did her best to drain the abcess, and I felt that quite a bit. Not the actual draining – my mouth was too numb for that – but in order to drain it properly, she had to basically grab handfuls of my face and squeeze with all her strength, and although the numb portions felt nothing, the rest of my face felt like it was being ripped off. This lasted for about ten minutes or so, as she repeated the procedure in the hopes of lessening the swelling. The dental surgeon remarked that it ‘wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.”
Initially, they did not want to do an extraction, as it would be ‘an extremely difficult and painful process, with level 9-10 pain for an extended time.” After the draining, they changed their mind, but I was no longer up for it. The face manhandling had been enough for one day, and so I go back in a bit to get the second half of this problem taken care of once and for all.
Still, it could be worse.
This is just another lingering side effect of my relationship with a malicious, malignant/covert narcissist. Had this happened while I was still married to her, I would have had to suffer through more indignation in the form of criticism and mockery of my condition – something I had been through on previous occasions during a decade of abuse. This is one more reason these people – and I use the word lightly – need to identified, and removed from society. They are pure toxicity, and a threat to anyone they encounter, and the court system in particular needs to be cleansed of these poisonous creatures, for they make a mockery of the tenets they are sworn to uphold, ones that form the core of our freedoms, and can destroy the lives of the most innocent. I should know, for I’ve seen it done more than once.
Fortunately, between my high pain tolerance and the effectiveness of my meds, I am still able to write, and unless the infection fails to respond to treatment, this will soon be just another painful memory among many.
But, on the upside, two of the technicians said they’d buy my book, so there’s that…

Until next time,

~Namaste

Gender Bias vs. Johnny Depp

Greetings all,

Well, this is going to be one of those rants where I say it just like it is, and not give a fuck about who gets offended by what, so strap in and enjoy the ride.
I’m going to start this article by stating flat out that I think the English Domestic Court system is as full of shit as it is on this side of the pond, filled with gender bias and corruption that should earn those responsible a haul over a gravel road via tow chain at fifty miles an hour, and the recent verdict in the recent lawsuit brought Johnny Depp for being accused of being a ‘wife beater’ by The Sun, a British newspaper (although from my experience with the Sun, I use that term lightly).
Now, before any of you get your panties in a bunch for whatever reason, be assured I don’t make this statement as an armchair, knee-jerk, I’m-offended-by-something-on-facebook reaction. As a victim of male domestic abuse, particularly narcissistic abuse by a sociopathic female, I know first-hand of the matters at hand. So, unless your research extends beyond a few YouTube videos or Faux News (what I call the Fox network), save your indignation. Period. I have no tolerance for any form of abuse, domestic or otherwise, but male domestic abuse is something that deserves attention.
There are more cases of male domestic abuse than any of the statistics would suggest. There are multiple reasons for this, the least of which is the social gender roles cast on men to be ‘strong’ and ’emotionally distant’, so the actual number of cases are under-reported. Most cases are not reported at all, and those that are reported are often turned around by the court system to punish the victim. These two factors are among the many that make it a tougher battle for men in domestic court than it does for women (not that women don’t face their own difficulties with a justice system that is basically a contest of who can afford the better lawyer).
The ‘metoo’ movement is an extension of this. I could go into length about my thoughts on this particular issue, but that is a subject for another article. Like most socially engineered topics, this has escalated to the point where any woman can cost a man his job through nothing more than unfounded allegations. I should note here the difference in reactions to such cases of ‘inappropriateness’. Id be interested to see the results if men raised their voice and pursued every inappropriate remark as a case of sexual discrimination, abuse, or whatever, as has seemed to be the case of late with women, but men do not react to such inappropriateness in the same fashion, which is one of many things I feel need to change.
I have been following the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and my experiences with the abuse at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder, along with all the testimony and information available regarding the case, looks to be a classic case of male domestic abuse at the hands of a female covert narcissist. As in my case, multiple former wives and partners testified that Mr. Depp had never gotten physical with them, and tended to suffer a high degree of patience in domestic altercations, which is an indication of the empathetic end of a typical narcissist/empath relationship. Of course, all human beings have limits, and when an empath dares to express any natural emotion in response to their abuse, such as anger, despair, etc, then the narcissist will play the role of the abused. This is a favorite tactic of these nasty, toxic creatures in court, and the court loves to just eat up their performance. Whether this is an effort to pacify those who have learned their political power, or just another line in the program of control that we call society is immaterial: this case had all the earmarks of a case of reactive abuse, and that Ms. Heard was the actual instigator.
Now, as in so many other cases, we have a man whose entire career has been impacted by the simple virtue of being male. This is a common enough occurrence where the increasingly aware population has coined its own campaigns against the illogical practice of believing all allegations of abuse by women, while dismissing any such attempts by men to defend themselves.
This case again underlines the need for more training by the courts on narcissistic abuse, and male domestic abuse in general. More experts need to be involved in the domestic court system. Until this changes, there will continue to be injustices in this arena. This is not equality, and imbalance will inevitably create a backlash. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I can see some unpleasant things in our social future is these imbalances are not corrected, and we cannot come together in terms of justice and equality.
Just a few thoughts, as this hearing affects not only Mr. Depp, but all victims of male domestic abuse.

Until next time,

~Namaste