Tag Archives: Writing

Articles about writing

2021: From Bad to Worse?

Greetings,

Well, here it is, the last day of 2020. I’d like to say I was happy for it to be over, that I was confident the coming year will prove to be a good one for all, but that is simply not true. What I see coming is more of the same shit – both for me and everyone else impacted by the strange world we now find ourselves in. More lockdowns, more authoritarianism than you can shake a stick at, more division as the carefully orchestrated political and social engineering continues its inexorable path toward extinction of our freedom, and those on the right reveal their true sociopathic nature.
Not that the left is really any better. Biden showed his true colors today when he appointed ‘Mr. Monsanto’ as head of the USDA. This does not bode well, nor does the news he plans on trying to ‘work with’ the same sociopaths that have tried their best to help the orange idiot currently in the White House stage a coup, and who repeatedly have shown themselves to nothing but puppets for corporations and the narcissists that own and run them.
If we, as a people, do not get our priorities straight in the coming year, if we do not realize just how rotten the system has become, and begin to take steps to correct it, then things will continue to get worse. It would be nice if we could correct things, cut out the infection, before it kills the patient, but I fear things will continue to spiral until it collapses, and we will once again be forced to rise from the ashes. The powerful are taking steps to make sure only they survive, so it is in the best interest of everyone else to make sure this does not happen, in my opinion.
For me, personally, I see 2021 as a year wherein I may finish 2 or possibly three books, which is a good thing creatively, but financially, I know things will be harder, as they will likely be for everyone. I do not market my books as I should; I’m too busy writing and designing in addition to the other hats I’m required to wear, and this is not likely to change in the coming year. If anything, things will most likely be even busier, the struggle to survive harder, and the returns even more sparse.
A grim picture, overall. For me, as a victim of emotional abuse and a gender-biased and corrupt court system, I have found little to know help for the physical and mental damage that continues to plague me. Anxiety and depression are rampant these days, and for me, the abuse I suffered exacerbated both these conditions. The next year is sure to have me facing these with increased severity, and the only means I have to combat them are my creative pursuits and the company of my little girl.
Hopefully, they will be enough.
I give my best wishes to all my friends, and to the world at large, and hope they have a happier year in the coming days than what they were given in 2020. One thing is for sure – in order to have a brighter future, we will all need to work toward it.

Until Next Time –

A Narcissistic Christmas

Another Christmas.
It would have been at least somewhat pleasurable, despite the memories this and all holidays now instill in me due to the narcissistic abuse I suffered for a decade. I got to spend some time with my little one, and even though I have an extremely limited income (most going to my abuser, more salt in the wound twice a month, and a reminder of how little justice there is in our court system), I managed to get a fair collection of presents for my daughter. She was delighted to get them, and I enjoyed watching her open her gifts, one of the few pleasures I have left in this world. Had I been left alone, the holiday would have at least have had some moments untarnished by the effects I live with every day.
But of course, one of the many trademark behaviors of a narcissist is that they cannot let holidays or other special occasions pass without attempting to control the emotional reactions of their former and present victims. This behavior can range from the obvious, to the very subtle and sublime. In the case of my ex-wife, it takes the form of the latter, usually disguised as ‘friendly communication’, texts that are sent to your phone intended for ‘someone else’, and other actions that would appear innocent to those who are ignorant of narcissists, or of the particular person in question. I get to deal with both, and know the true purpose behind such – reminders of the pain, of the discard, and the ghetto rat my family was torn apart for.
Case in point, when they send you ‘innocent’ pictures of holiday gatherings, with subtle or not so subtle objects in the background. To an outside observer, this may seem accidental, but make no mistake: the narc knows exactly what they are doing. I know I should expect such behavior, and do what I can to avoid it by not engaging, but I cannot completely avoid contact, as we share a child. Even after three years, such things stab deep, and bring with it all the normal reactions I have when faced with betrayal, cowardice, and a complete lack of honor or even common sense. After all this time, the wounds still feel fresh, and likely will for as long as I continue to feel the effects, physical, emotional, and financial, that was inflicted on me by a such a creature. This will in all likelihood be for the remainder of my time here on earth, and I cannot stress to anyone dealing with these sociopaths the importance of getting out while there is still time, for the damage can be severe, even life-altering. Should they gain a foothold to the point where you become a victim, nothing and nowhere is safe. Nothing is sacred, from the vows of marriage, to the smallest of traditions or pleasures. Do yourself a favor, and get them out of your life.
Otherwise, your life could be tainted forever.

Poetry Therapy

Here is a poem/song that I wrote to help deal with the effects of narcissistic abuse. The Muse insisted I share.

Never Be the Same

I sit helpless as more of me dies
A little more each day because of her lies
How long until there is nothing left?
I’ve become a victim, a wanton act of theft
Nothing but a pawn in her twisted game
I’ve passed beyond hope and will never be the same

Never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Trapped here in the dark
With things that have no name

I sit here staring as my eyes fill with tears
All those many scars, all those wasted years
Once upon a time, I thought you might be the one,
Then you tore into me, nothing left when you were done
Now I never even want to hear your name
I have passed beyond reason and will never be the same

Never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Trapped here in the dark
With things that have no name

Never be the same,
No, I’ll never be the same
You tore my heart apart
You’re the only one to blame

How many times did I fall victim to your schemes?
How many times did I sacrifice my dreams?
You left me bleeding and my heart is full of pain
I have passed beyond sadness and will never be the same

Never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Trapped here in the dark
And you’re the one to blame

I’ll never be the same
No, I’ll never be the same
Oh, no no no
Never be the same

There are some wounds that are difficult to heal. When I wrote this, I realized there were some things that could never be right again. Healing changes us, and sometimes, the scars are deep.

~Namaste

Blame the Muse

Greetings,

As some may know, I indulge in writing (bad) poetry from time to time. Different things inspire artists in different ways – and in my case, it most often takes the form of writing. I write my bad poetry when inspired by the Muse, as I do my novels, and although I feel my poetry is ghastly in comparison to my prose, I feel the urge to share it with those who bother to follow my blog, so I’ll be posting them here from time to time.
The following poem was inspired by a person, and if said person realizes it’s about them, I apologize for the poor writing. Shakespeare I ain’t, boys and girls.
But my heart, what there is of it, is in the right place.
So…

ANGEL OF THE NORTH

A shining Muse, an Angel in the North
Let your spirit flow, your radiance come forth
That heavenly smile, those verdant eyes
That shelter a spirit wounded by lies
Healing now, shining, to bathe in that grace
Lucky be the man that beholds your face
A beautiful soul among the celestial constellation,
To that being I give my love and admiration
No thoughts of possession, no feelings of lust
Nothing impure, so selfish or unjust
Just a hopeless romantic, enchanted from afar
Whose life is brighter because of what you are
May you always know love, and be able to shine
May the spirit inside be untouched by time
May you always be free, and a little wild,
May you always nurture that inner child
May you dance and laugh and love your life
May your days be bright and free of strife
May you find your way along the path
And those that hurt you suffer a warrior’s wrath
May your days be long, your love run deep
And the Goddess protect you as you sleep
May you know you will be my friend
For all the days, now until the end

~So Mote It Be

Yeah, Yeah, I know.
I know.
But, the Muse has a whip, and I gladly do her bidding.
Blame it on the Muse.

~Namaste

Gender Bias vs. Johnny Depp

Greetings all,

Well, this is going to be one of those rants where I say it just like it is, and not give a fuck about who gets offended by what, so strap in and enjoy the ride.
I’m going to start this article by stating flat out that I think the English Domestic Court system is as full of shit as it is on this side of the pond, filled with gender bias and corruption that should earn those responsible a haul over a gravel road via tow chain at fifty miles an hour, and the recent verdict in the recent lawsuit brought Johnny Depp for being accused of being a ‘wife beater’ by The Sun, a British newspaper (although from my experience with the Sun, I use that term lightly).
Now, before any of you get your panties in a bunch for whatever reason, be assured I don’t make this statement as an armchair, knee-jerk, I’m-offended-by-something-on-facebook reaction. As a victim of male domestic abuse, particularly narcissistic abuse by a sociopathic female, I know first-hand of the matters at hand. So, unless your research extends beyond a few YouTube videos or Faux News (what I call the Fox network), save your indignation. Period. I have no tolerance for any form of abuse, domestic or otherwise, but male domestic abuse is something that deserves attention.
There are more cases of male domestic abuse than any of the statistics would suggest. There are multiple reasons for this, the least of which is the social gender roles cast on men to be ‘strong’ and ’emotionally distant’, so the actual number of cases are under-reported. Most cases are not reported at all, and those that are reported are often turned around by the court system to punish the victim. These two factors are among the many that make it a tougher battle for men in domestic court than it does for women (not that women don’t face their own difficulties with a justice system that is basically a contest of who can afford the better lawyer).
The ‘metoo’ movement is an extension of this. I could go into length about my thoughts on this particular issue, but that is a subject for another article. Like most socially engineered topics, this has escalated to the point where any woman can cost a man his job through nothing more than unfounded allegations. I should note here the difference in reactions to such cases of ‘inappropriateness’. Id be interested to see the results if men raised their voice and pursued every inappropriate remark as a case of sexual discrimination, abuse, or whatever, as has seemed to be the case of late with women, but men do not react to such inappropriateness in the same fashion, which is one of many things I feel need to change.
I have been following the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and my experiences with the abuse at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder, along with all the testimony and information available regarding the case, looks to be a classic case of male domestic abuse at the hands of a female covert narcissist. As in my case, multiple former wives and partners testified that Mr. Depp had never gotten physical with them, and tended to suffer a high degree of patience in domestic altercations, which is an indication of the empathetic end of a typical narcissist/empath relationship. Of course, all human beings have limits, and when an empath dares to express any natural emotion in response to their abuse, such as anger, despair, etc, then the narcissist will play the role of the abused. This is a favorite tactic of these nasty, toxic creatures in court, and the court loves to just eat up their performance. Whether this is an effort to pacify those who have learned their political power, or just another line in the program of control that we call society is immaterial: this case had all the earmarks of a case of reactive abuse, and that Ms. Heard was the actual instigator.
Now, as in so many other cases, we have a man whose entire career has been impacted by the simple virtue of being male. This is a common enough occurrence where the increasingly aware population has coined its own campaigns against the illogical practice of believing all allegations of abuse by women, while dismissing any such attempts by men to defend themselves.
This case again underlines the need for more training by the courts on narcissistic abuse, and male domestic abuse in general. More experts need to be involved in the domestic court system. Until this changes, there will continue to be injustices in this arena. This is not equality, and imbalance will inevitably create a backlash. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I can see some unpleasant things in our social future is these imbalances are not corrected, and we cannot come together in terms of justice and equality.
Just a few thoughts, as this hearing affects not only Mr. Depp, but all victims of male domestic abuse.

Until next time,

~Namaste

Writing Update: November 2020

My new fiction work in progress just passed the 40k word mark, which means it is officially a novel. It is my usual weirdness, but I think I have turned things up a notch with this one. The plot mixes quantum physics and spirituality, with a healthy dose of horror. it is by far the bloodiest thing I’ve written, although the body count is nowhere near the billions found in my second book, Strange Stories, Twisted Tales. I pretty much destroyed the planet twice in that one, and that’s a hard tally to surpass.
Also, I’m also officially divorced, which does create a certain distance between myself and the person responsible for so much abuse for the last decade. I’ve been working on the non-fiction account of those years, and that manuscript has passed 80k words, with two-thirds of the 101 pages hand-written journal I wrote while forcibly detained on false charges by my abuser, with another third waiting to be transcribed. With luck, I may be able to finish the novel by the end of the year, so stay tuned!

~Namaste

Update – Sept. 10, 2020

Greetings, everyone.

Lots of stuff going on. I’ve passed 34k words on my next fiction novel. This third work of fiction will explore some of the stranger aspects of perception and what we call reality, and explores both the science and spirituality of life, death, and rebirth. It is proving to be a research-intensive project, but I am still hoping to have the finished novel available by the end of the year. I’ll update when possible, so stay tuned!

~namaste

Update – August 2020

Greetings, all.

It’s been some time since my last update, and it would be safe to say the world has been one of chaos, both on a macro and microcosmic scale. The senseless violence and outrageous behavior occurring in many places are a mirror of the various events happening in my life, and like so many others, I do my best to struggle through, one day at a time.
I am working on my third novel, as well as the non-fiction account memoir of the sad and rather tragic events I have endured over the last decade. The fiction manuscript is now over 30k words. To be honest, I have no idea how long the finished work will be; my process is half planned, half the Muse going where she will. I can say this new work looks to require more research than anything I have written previously. The result should be more than worth the effort, however, as it is also the strangest thing I’ve ever written.
The pandemic, as it is commonly referred to, is still affecting the world and our country, but my lifestyle was solitary before the quarantine, and will continue to be after whatever society becomes when it ends, so the total impact on my life by the virus is mainly felt on those rare occasions when I perform crucial errands. Even so, it is far from a perfect scenario; finding the time to write is still a challenge, as is the other tasks associated with it, such as updating this blog, keeping a social media presence, and so on. The plan is to have the new fiction novel completed before the end of the year. Time will tell whether or not I can meet that goal.
Until next time, boys and girls, pleasant dreams.

~namaste

My Thoughts on Tropes

Greetings all…

I was inspired this afternoon to take a break from the turbulence of my life and take to my blog to write about writing…in this case, tropes.  The inspiration for this came from the writer’s group on Facebook, to which I am a member, and I would suggest adding groups such as this to your social feed if you are an aspiring writer, as you never know what gems can be mined there.

Maybe ‘inspired’ is not the right word.  A more accurate assessment would be that my Muse was inspired to put in her two cents on the subject, and I always do what my Muse tells me (she has a whip and isn’t afraid to use it).

So…tropes.  Entertainment is full of them, and many of them range from humorous to worn to just plain bad.  The chosen one.  The Evil Nanny/Babysitter/Stepmother.  The Virgin and the Rake…they can be found everywhere.  Not that having a trope character is a bad thing in itself; plenty of tropes are popular, if they are handled well.  Most agree that putting a spin or a twist on an overused trope can breathe life into an otherwise flat character or story, but all too often, writers fall into the trap of inserting character tropes and plots that have been beaten to near-death.

So, why does this happen?  Is it just lazy writing?  This may be the truth in some cases; the writing world is as populated with those who are not willing to put in the long hours and hard work necessary to elevate their profession or craft as any other aspect of our society.  I do not believe this is the only cause, however.  Many times, I think we find these types of tropes in authors at the beginning of their careers.  They have the drive and the talent and the skill, but lack the practical experience that comes with time and research.  This accounts for another portion of the overall whole, but those are subjects that are covered elsewhere, and not what inspired me to write this post.  Pondering on the subject made me also examine my own process, which I’ve already stated in the shorthand version: I listen to my Muse.

For me, ideas and stories come to me.  I rarely have to go to them, if you get my meaning.  Once I home in on a story, it begins to tell itself in my mind.  Characters, places, events, plots, announce themselves, and i copy them dutifully off the movie screen in my mind.  I don’t work the story as much as it works me, and I think when the source of the story comes from something other than inspiration – to meet a deadline or contract, to make another buck, etc – the story suffers, and the tropes rattle the bars of their cage looking for freedom.  The next time you find yourself looking for a plot point, the motivation for a character, or a character to fill a particular purpose, do not make the mistake of trying to bend the story to what YOU want.  Trust the Muse.  Take a breath and clear your mind, and let the story tell you what it needs.  Take the time to listen to that voice arising from the creative center.  You might just be surprised, and if your Muse is kind, they may even give you a happy ending.

~Namaste

 

Update – July 2020

Greetings Everyone,

I hope everyone has managed to weather the last few months without too much in the way of craziness.  It has and continues to be a trying time for us in this country, and in many other places in the world, and it is my sincere hope that things will improve in the months and years to come.

I haven’t been writing much since publishing my latest book, but I did begin the first draft of my next novel, which I hope to complete by the end of the year.  I’ve been extremely busy of late, doing everything I can to rebuild my life after the events of the last several years.  I lately made a great stride forward in this, and am now working to cement a new location for a studio for my visual art pursuits.  I’ve also begun turning my residence into more of a home and less of an office with a bedroom in it, a situation brought on by too much to do and not enough time.  Those things are still true, but I’m learning to manage my time better, and fighting harder against the physical toll the last few years have taken.

I’ll be adding some new images to the site soon, as I plan to produce some more artwork from my works in the coming months.  I’m also still toying with the idea of doing some podcast style videos and posting them here as well as whatever platform I use.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I hope everyone can find a way to take a break from the madness to enjoy the coming holiday.

Until next time,

~Namaste