Those that follow my blog know that I use this forum to write about many things, from writing to open letters, to other expressions of an artistic nature. In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I will also be using my blog to address important issues I feel should be brought forth to a wider audience. While my blog is not large in the sense of a following, I feel if I can help even one person, then it will be worth it.
Those that know me, know that I have been the victim of ongoing emotional abuse for over six years. I’ve had both my heart and my life ripped apart by someone I trusted, and am only now realizing the full extent of what I feel (and would be confirmed by any qualified professional) is a mental illness is having upon my world. Thus, in the hope of preventing this sort of pain befalling other innocent people, I will be also be posting a new series of articles to help address this issue, with the hope that somewhere, it will be seen and be of help.
22 Stages of Relationship Between An Empath and A Narcissist
1 The empath gets attracted to a narcissist. Their relationship starts. Empath loves deeply and unconditionally. They feel emotionally fulfilled even though the narcissist plays no role to develop a stronger bond. The empath feels satisfied and thinks their love is reciprocated just by being around the narcissist.
2 The empath gets the false notion that they have finally met the kind of love that people don’t find even once. Narcissist affirms this by creating an illusion that leads the empath to believe that what they have is special. The empath feels a deep bond that is almost impossible to break free.
3 Sometimes it appears that the narcissist wants this relationship as much as the empath. Actually, what they want is someone who invests their time, energy and love and is in their complete control.
4 As the time will pass, the narcissist will make the empath feel weak, unconfident, and bereft of the abilities to do even the simple things. The narcissist will never launch an open attack, but use statements like “don’t want to hurt you but…” to point out some shortcoming. They will try to take over anything which symbolizes control such as handling bills or making decisions about purchases. The empathy will be looked down upon for their interests and many such things that form their identity. Gradually, the empath starts to believe that they are less capable and they “need” someone like the person in their life. They get the notion no one would want them.
5 For an empath, this relationship will be everything as they are the ones who are in love. Out of love, they would always want to soothe and cheer the narcissist, talk to them, help them and do whatever it makes them feel good. The narcissists project themselves as the victim of their past, their relationships, and the circumstances. The empaths are givers; they try to make up for all the unfortunate things that have ever happened to the narcissist.
6 The empath has a good and a clear heart and cannot imagine the deep and unresolved wounds of the narcissist are not the same as their own. Healing those wounds is different from their own.
7 The relationship is all about the narcissist. The empath realizes this slowly, and a time comes when they feel afraid to talk or fight for their needs and desires. In their attempt to please they don’t want to voice their true needs. They would rather be likable than give any reason to be disliked. But, secretly they are not too happy.
8 The more devotion, love, care, affection, and effort the empath puts into the relationship, the narcissist feels completely in control over the relationship. The empath literally dances to the tune of the narcissist. As long as the empath continues to appease the narcissist, it’s impossible to detect any problem in the relationship. The problem occurs when the empath finally reaches the breaking point.
9 Finally, the empath raises a voice because they can no longer keep up with the suppressing ways of the narcissist. Day after day their emotional needs remain unfulfilled. This happens because from the beginning of the relationship they have believed their partner’s emotional needs are all that matters. When they finally understand their well-being also matters, and speak out, they seem selfish. The narcissist does not like it.
10 The narcissist is an attention seeker. They get satisfaction when people fuss around them. Their needs can never be met, they can never be satisfied. They may move to other partners, open a new business, travel around the world, get involved in new creative pursuits, and so on and so forth, but they will never be happy. The empath isn’t aware of this fact.
11 When the empath finally bursts out something like “My feelings also matter,” the narcissist is quick to call the empath “crazy”. They call them over-dramatic and their concerns unfounded. This kind of dismissive behavior is the tactics used by them to gain control over the empath’s mind.
12 The empath gets confused. Why they have meted out such behavior, is beyond their understanding. They start blaming themselves and wonder if they are at all worthy of being loved by anyone at all.
13 At this point, the empath is not able to understand that they are just beingmanipulated. Their partner has bent everything around them to create a twisted view of the circumstances. There can be anything around them to let them know the truth that they are the one who is “right” and it’s their partner who is tremendously “wrong” and wicked.
14 The empath will try to communicate with the narcissist in all truthfulness. The narcissist will, however, justify their behavior and pass the blame.
15 It is normal to feel lost, confused and hurt. But despite all the heart-break, the empath will need to be calm and do some self-evaluation to figure out how they became so defenseless. This is how they will start transforming.
16 The empath will know that they are by nature healers. They have the inner strength to help others in the right ways, sometimes as a duty and sometimes when life brings them to such situations.
17 The empath has to realize the bitter truth that not everyone deserves their love, care, and affection. Not everyone who seems distressed and unhappy is revealing their true self. There are some people who have sinister motives and have a very different outlook towards relationships and people than they do. Not everyone they fall in love with can be trusted so quickly.
18 In this situation, the empath must realize that they too are in a very bad situation something of which the narcissist in their life always spoke of. But, in their case, it would be different. They would make positive efforts and heal themselves. The narcissist will not.
19 For the empath this will be a painful awakening. They will learn from the experience to move ahead.
20 The narcissist will continue as if nothing happened and they are completely innocent. They won’t remember for a moment that someone loved them so deeply and intensely. They won’t remember the powerful bond they once had with someone and just move on to find it somewhere else. A time will come when they will know they can neither connect with themselves nor with other people.
21 The narcissist will move on. In time they will find another victim.
22 The empath will be stronger, wiser and be more cautious about who they time, affection and love.
Although I am posting this to be a help for both men and women, I will be concentrating on male victims here, as 1. It is more applicable to my own circumstance, and 2. There is far more help for women victims than there are men, especially in this ridiculous ‘metoo’ b.s. that has currently all the rage (don’t get me started on that issue – I’ll write another article on that another time). Since men seem to be the exception (they’re not, but again, another issue), I feel they may need more direction, so that what has happened to me, may not happen to someone else.
So, in short, there will be a lot coming forth in the future.